Anger Management for Teens
Your mom just told you there's no way she's letting you out of the house until you clean your room. What starts out as mild annoyance turns into red-hot anger as you pick up the magazines and dishes from your floor. How dare she? You're not a child! Before you know it, you've kicked a big dent in your closet door and yelled at your little sister (and now you're grounded for the whole weekend).
Well, this is one way to cope with anger. After all, you've expressed yourself and you've calmed down. And now you'll have lots of time to think about how it may not have been the best approach as you sit around watching reruns with your sister on Saturday night. Why'd you fly off the handle so quickly? In fact, some days you wake up angry - what's the deal?
Some of it may be the changes your body's going through - all those hormones you hear so much about can cause wild mood swings and confused emotions. Some of it may be stress - people who are under a lot of pressure tend to get angry more easily. And part of it may be your personality - you may just be someone who has a short fuse or who feels their emotions intensely. Maybe you've always been the type of person (even as a kid) who gets more and more mad until you finally blow up. Maybe you've learned that style by watching other people in your family blow a fuse when they're mad (some people just never grow up!).
But no matter what pushes your buttons, one thing is certain - you're sure to get angry sometimes. Eeveryone does. And that's perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with feeling mad. What counts is how you handle it (and yourself) when you're angry.
It's up to you to learn how to feel angry and express it in a healthy way. As a teen, you have the equipment to practice self-awareness and self-control. Young kids don't have the self-control that teens do - that's why you see them throwing tantrums when they're mad. As you mature, you can be more aware of your feelings and you can exercise more choices about how to act when you're feeling an intense emotion like anger.
What you want to learn is how to recognize when you're ticked and deal with it effectively. This way, you get to express yourself and you probably get more of what you need from others and respect them and yourself in the process.
One healthy way to deal with your anger (one that works great with parents in particular) is the cool down approach. Here it is in four easy steps:
1. When something gets you really steamed, try to stop, calm down, and think before you do or say anything.
2. Once you're calm, try to say what the problem is and how it makes you feel. ("Mom, I don't like it when you hand out a punishment before you've even given me the chance to do what you've asked. It makes me feel like a little kid.")
3. Try to think of some solutions and what the consequences of the solutions would be (one solution here would be not cleaning your room - but if you thought about it, you'd see where that would get you).
4. Explain your solution and try to put it into action. ("In the future, would you please tell me what you'd like me to do first and wait to see if I do it before you threaten punishment?")
This can turn out well for everyone - you focus your attention on stopping your anger, you get to say how you feel, and hopefully, your mom won't talk to you in that way that enrages you again. But if this approach sounds a little too formal, there are other things you can do. Here's a list of suggestions:
-- Listen to music (with your headphones on) and dance with some anger-inspired energy.
-- Write it down - in any form - poetry or a journal, for example.
-- Draw it - scribble, doodle, or sketch your angry feelings using strong color or lines.
-- Play a sport or work out - you'll be amazed at how physical activity helps to work the anger out.
-- Meditate or practice deep breathing. This one works best if you do it regularly, not when you're actually having a meltdown - it's more of a stress management technique and will help you use self-control and not blow a fuse when you're mad.
-- Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Lots of times there are other feelings such as fear or sadness beneath anger. Talking about these feelings can help.
-- Distract yourself so you can get your mind past what's bugging you - watch TV, read, or go to the movies instead of stewing for hours about something.
You might even try going somewhere secluded and yelling at the top of your lungs. What we don't recommend is screaming at the person you're mad at, whining, sulking, throwing things, or making any kind of physical threat or attack. These things are likely to escalate the situation - and maybe even hurt someone.
Tell your parents, a teacher, a counselor, or another adult you trust if you:
a. have a lasting feeling of anger over things that have happened to you in the past or are going on now
b. feel irritable, grumpy, or in a bad mood more often than not
c. feel consistent anger or rage at yourself
d. start feeling anger that lasts for days or makes you want to hurt yourself or someone else
These could be signs of depression - and you shouldn't have to handle that alone.
Let's face it, anger is a strong emotion, and it can feel overwhelming at times. Learning how to deal with strong emotions - without losing your cool - is part of becoming more mature. It takes a little effort, a little practice, and a little patience, but you can get there if you want to. The payoff is a lot of self-respect!
HONORING FAMILIES: A Public Recognition of Private Courage
Join API Family Pride, Hon. Mabel Teng and others at the "First Annual API-FP Family Presentation Party" to honor parents, siblings, relatives and friends who have overcome the shame of homophobic
society to love and accept their API gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered children.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
11:00 AM until 3:00 PM
St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church
500 De Haro St. @ Mariposa
San Francisco (Portero Hill, between 17th & 18th Sts.)
Just as City Hall's landmark support for same-sex marriage challenges
institutionalized homophobia with public demonstrations of love, we can publicly demonstrate the power of API traditional family love and loyalty that has quietly transformed our API homes. The example set by our API family's
personal struggle is an important one to acknowledge. Click on Ian Enriquez on the Wellness Center schedule for SF Chronicle article.
Contact: 510-818-0887
Event: $ 25-100 API Family Pride - PO Box 473 Fremont, CA 94537
Kids, Sports, and Exercise
There is no question that exercise is good for growing children, and the earlier they start, the better. But is it advisable for 6-year-olds to play team football? Should you encourage an uncoordinated child to take up gymnastics? It's important to remember that it's OK if children are not interested in certain sports as long as they pursue activities that help them stay physically fit. The key is finding activities they like to do, that are fun, and that get them moving! And don't overlook the other benefits your child will be receiving from exercise - including learning to share, making friends, and developing self-esteem.
What Parents Can Do
Try to concentrate on your child's successes, rather than her failures. Your child may not be able to swim well, but she may be a terrific skater and basketball player. Praise what she does well and provide plenty of opportunities for her to succeed. Introduce new activities, especially if she shows interest. Try to attend your child's games and meets as much as possible to encourage her and provide support. Whenever possible, parents should participate in fitness activities with their children. When a family rides bicycles or snowboards together, parents act as role models and everyone has fun and gets some exercise. What could be better?
Sports and Exercise for Ages 6 and Under
If a child doesn't want to do something or doesn't seem ready, it's best not to push too hard. Just because the child next door can ride his two-wheeler at age 5 doesn't mean your child should be able to do it, too. Children develop skills at different ages. Try not to draw too many comparisons between your child and other children. As long as she is developmentally on target, let her master skills at her own pace.
Some children shy away from sports because they're afraid of failure or easily frustrated. Again, you must look to your child for cues and you should provide encouragement, but never force an activity on an unwilling child. Wait 6 months and try again when the child feels more comfortable!
Sports and Exercise for Ages 7 and Up
Children should be at least age 7 or 8 before they engage in organized team sports, most experts say. It depends on the child, but many team sports are contact sports, and most children under age 7 aren't ready for rough contact. For them, the risk of physical injury is not the only concern. There's also the issue of winning and losing. Emotionally, losing at sports can be very hard, even for adults. At this age, it's more important that children have the chance to play than worry about who won and who lost.
Most experts agree that between the ages of 8 and 12 is the time to introduce competitive sports. Competitive sports include baseball or softball, soccer, field and ice hockey, tennis, swimming, gymnastics, basketball, and football, among others. Parents should be well informed about their child's chosen sport(s), including the proper protective gear to be worn and injury prevention techniques. Coaches can provide most of this information, but it's still a good idea for parents to know, so they can help kids perform well without getting hurt.
Using free weights or weight training equipment is not recommended unless a child is following an age-appropriate program and is supervised by a qualified professional.
Distance running should be postponed until adolescence. Even then, track programs for middle school-age children (sixth to eighth grade) usually limit running distances to 1/2 to 3/4 of a mile at a time. Age appropriateness for these activities varies depending upon the duration and intensity of the activity. It is always recommended that you consult your child's doctor for specific recommendations.
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Wellness Center
Christy Parsons (Wellness Coordinator) is available daily.
Ian Enriquez (Community Health Outreach Worker, Youth Outreach Coordinator) is available daily.
Monica Murphy (Nurse, Tobacco Intervention Coordinator) is available from Monday - Wednesday and Friday.
Sharon Wong (psychologist) is available Tuesday and Thursday.
Sheening Lin (psychologist) is available Monday and Wednesday.
Chris Pepper (peer resources) is available daily and teaches classes during 4th and 5th period.
Marie Chen (drug counselor) is available on Tuesday and Thursday.
Susie Li (Mandarin speaking counselor) is available on Wednesday and Friday.
Laura McGourty (counselor) is available on Monday and Tuesday.
Beth Ringheim (counselor) is available on Mondays.
Talia Korenbrot (relationship counselor) is available on Thursday.
James Guay (therapist) is available on Wednesday.
Reconnecting Youth classes held 5th and 7th period.
Scholarship
PacifiCare Latino Health Scholars Program to Award Scholarships to
Bilingual, Bicultural Students Available in Eight States
Scholarships are available for Spanish-speaking, bi-cultural high
school students who want to pursue careers in the healthcare industry. Funded by the PacifiCare Foundation, the philanthropic arm of PacifiCare Health Systems, Inc., the awards are offered through PacifiCare's Latino
Health Scholars program, which is designed to educate students about career
opportunities for Hispanics and Latinos in the healthcare field.
The $2,000 scholarships are available for students in eight states:
Arizona, California, Colorado, Nevada, Oklahoma, Oregon, Texas, and Washington. High school seniors with a minimum grade point average of 3.0 and who are fluent in Spanish are eligible to apply. Applicants must show proof of acceptance into a university, community college, or an accredited technical
college and must be enrolled in an approved healthcare program at the time they receive the scholarship.
Scholarship information and applications are available at the PacifiCare en
Espanol Web site.
Deadline: June 30, 2004
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